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The Mother I Strive To Be: A letter to myself The Mother I Strive To Be: A letter to myself
Our fabulous group of Vancouvermom.ca’s Top 30 Mom Bloggers had so much fun with our Christmas Traditions blog train that we decided to choose a... The Mother I Strive To Be: A letter to myself

Our fabulous group of Vancouvermom.ca’s Top 30 Mom Bloggers had so much fun with our Christmas Traditions blog train that we decided to choose a new topic and do another one.  This time around, our theme is: The Mother I Strive To Be.

When I finally sat down to write this piece, I struggled with putting my thoughts and feelings into words. I decided that I would write myself a letter which I don’t think I have ever done before.  So, here is the letter I have written to myself on the mother I strive to be.

Dear Self,

There have been times since Portia was born, where I’ve seen you completely defeated, frustrated and feeling so totally isolated and alone.  I know you’ve cried and have blamed yourself for many things since you became a mother.  You have questioned your decisions and regretted your mistakes.  There have been many moments where you’ve wanted to leave the house, run far away from your crying baby/needy toddler, and never go back.  I’ve watched you scream out loud alone in your car (and that was very weird).  I remember your envy some mornings when Brian would leave for work.  I saw the pain in your heart when 4 month-old Portia rolled off the couch and then sensed the relief when you confided in friends who told you that happened to their babies too.

And whenever those fleeting moments of frustration, guilt, worry, and pain go away, I watch you being happier than you knew was possible.

I’ve watched your life transform in ways that no one can prepare you for. You and Brian sneak into Portia’s room every single night before you go to sleep.  You give her kisses and tell her you love her.  When you’re out for a walk and Portia’s tiny, soft hand finds its way into your bigger, rougher hand, you fall in love with her like you did when she was first born. I can feel your heart exploding with happiness when Portia wants to cuddle with you even when you feel like you have ‘things to do’ and you ‘don’t have time’.   The satisfaction you get from making her laugh uncontrollably is beyond measure and you wouldn’t trade this crazy role of motherhood for anything in the world.

Never forget to steal extra hugs, even when Portia one day resists them.  Make sure Portia is always full, clean, clothed and warm enough.  Don’t let a day go by where you both don’t get fresh air.  On the cold days, bundle your baby girl up warm. On the hot days, make sure she has sunscreen and lots of water. Listen to her trying to form full sentences and never wish-away the sights and sounds of learning.  Take deep breaths when you’re feeling Frustration rear his ugly head. You now know that you can conquer those emotions.

Spend those extra five minutes sitting in the car before daycare drop-off singing together to Raffi- even if you hoped to have those extra five minutes at work.  Those are five minutes you will never have back.  Reflect back often on how quickly time goes so that you don’t take your time together for granted.

Photo credit: Images by Bethany

Appreciate having a ‘tea party’ on the floor for the 100th time. Appreciate that you are lucky enough to have Portia in your life that you get to have tea parties on the floor at all.  Encourage Portia to try new things and resist the urge to catch her every time she falls.  Let her work through a puzzle without pointing out the right piece. Allow her to problem solve and question.

Teach her how to read and print the letters of the alphabet, but let her write her own story.

Above all, go easy on yourself!  Being a mother is the hardest thing you’ve ever done and you’re surely going to make so many more mistakes down the road.

If you follow your gut and believe in the decisions you are making, you will be the mother that you strive to be.

Love
Yourself.

What is something you would include in a letter to yourself about the mother you aspire to be?

I am at the end of the blog train this time around.  To read the other mama’s posts on “The Mother I Strive To Be”, visit the list of sites below.

Tuesday, Jan 22 – Tairalyn from Little Miss Mama
Wednesday, Jan 23 – Melissa from The Thirites Grind
Thursday, Jan 24 – Amy from The Connections we Share
Friday, Jan 25 – Julie from JulieNowell.com

Monday, Jan 28 – Eschelle from Mumfection
Tuesday, Jan 29 – Taslim from Let ME out!!
Wednesday, Jan 30 – Katie from World by Smith
Thursday, Jan 31 – Lori from The Write Mama
Friday, Feb 1 – Kristina from Swank Mama
Monday, Feb 4 – Brandee from One Crazy Kid
Tuesday, Feb 5 – Jessica from North Shore Mama

Jessica Blumel

Nice to meet you! I'm Jessica a.k.a North Shore Mama. This site was born out of my love for my daughters and the desire to share my motherhood journey with fellow moms. I believe we're all in this craziness called 'parenthood' together and North Shore Mama is my way of reaching out to anyone who needs a laugh, a cry or dinner inspiration. Thank you so much for reading!

  • Amy Lee

    February 5, 2013 #1 Author

    This is the third time I read your letter and I cried Every. Single. Time. I can totally relate to all your struggles and frustrations.

    Reply

    • northshoremama

      February 6, 2013 #2 Author

      Thanks Amy! It is good to know that others can relate. This parenthood journey is a wild one and we can go it alone or learn from each other! :)

      Reply

  • Brandee

    February 5, 2013 #3 Author

    Wow, such a beautiful, moving post. Something that we can all relate to, in so many ways. I think that two of my favourite parts are these “never wish-away the sights and sounds of learning. Take deep breaths when you’re feeling Frustration rear his ugly head. You now know that you can conquer those emotions.” and “Teach her how to read and print the letters of the alphabet, but let her write her own story.” Amazing.

    Reply

    • northshoremama

      February 6, 2013 #4 Author

      Thank you Brandee! I can’t wait to watch Portia’s story unfold, and I am sure you feel the same about your son! With all this love we are giving, their futures will be bright ones!

      Reply

  • Sue Dickie

    February 5, 2013 #5 Author

    Lovely post Jessica. I think I was a ‘present’ mom if you know what I mean and I still wish I could on on the floor having a tea party with my kids. They are 21 and 18 and I miss those early years.

    Reply

    • northshoremama

      February 6, 2013 #6 Author

      Thank you Sue! From what I know of your daughter, you definitely did an amazing job raising your kids!

      Reply

  • Jonathan

    February 5, 2013 #7 Author

    I’m not a Mother, but a Father that needs to be one. Everytime I take my daughter to school I steal 7 or 8 extra hugs each one holding for a little bit longer. The day I stop sneaking into her room for a kiss good night before I drift off myself, will be the day she moves out. And even then I’m sure ill grab one of the 50+ stuffed animals on her bed.
    Well written Jess. From the heart, in only a way a mother could. Great idea!

    Reply

    • northshoremama

      February 6, 2013 #8 Author

      You are an inspiration to us all, Jon! “H” is a very lucky little girl to have you filling all the roles of parenthood and then some! I’d love to read what you would write in a letter to yourself! :)

      Reply

  • Nargess

    February 5, 2013 #9 Author

    Beautiful Jess! What a piece! Really loved reading it
    Sooo proud of u for the mom that you are and love
    That you’re striving to be better!
    We can all learn from you
    N

    Reply

    • northshoremama

      February 6, 2013 #10 Author

      Thanks Nargess! There is always room for growth, right!? Having a great support system is always such a great foundation to start from and I thank you for being a part of mine :)

      Reply

  • Kristina

    February 6, 2013 #11 Author

    Wow Jessica – I’m trying not to bawl here! I’m sitting here, tearing up, and feeling guilty for telling Lil J to just “hurry up and go to sleep” tonight. I, too, try to live in the moment with my kids when I remember to…to try to put my phone down and listen to what they have to say…and to just simply give them many hugs and kisses. I fear that they’re going to grow up too fast and then one day, they’ll leave the nest without me knowing where those 18, 20, 25 years went. Beautifully written Jess!

    Reply

    • northshoremama

      February 21, 2013 #12 Author

      Thanks Kristina. The phone! I know! Such a good point. I, too, can get so wrapped up in everything going on around me that I miss those precious little comments that only children are innocent enough to make! Such special times we get to be a part of!

      Reply

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