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On separation… On separation…
I’ve been writing this post in my head for a while now.  Weeks, at least.  I have written and written and erased and erased.  Writing... On separation…

I’ve been writing this post in my head for a while now.  Weeks, at least.  I have written and written and erased and erased.  Writing it out makes it seem so real.  Too tangible.  But it is real, and I’m just now ready to share.

Brian and I have separated. 

After 9 years together and nearly 7 years of marriage, we have parted ways.

We live in different homes now and our sweet girls spend half their ‘sleeps’ at daddy’s house and the other half at mommy’s. 

It’s terrible and it’s better all at once.

We tried.

We really tried.

Nothing we did was ‘enough’ in the end.  Nothing could save us from the realization and understanding that this just wasn’t going to work.

I wanted to put this news ‘out there’, because I wanted you all to know.  I’m ready to share, but I’m not quite ready to go deeper.

What I want you to know is this…

We are doing everything in our power to make this transition a smooth one for our children.  We have enough respect for each other that here is no ‘pitting’ against one another, no bad-mouthing and no conflict for the girls to experience.

Brian and I are sad.  Nobody gets married imagining their relationship may end.  We are no exception to that rule. Having said that…

We are both ok.  I’d like to believe we are actually both in a better space now.  And we are for sure modelling a healthier environment for our girls.

Because sometimes, the lack of something is a heavier load to carry.

Jessica Blumel

Nice to meet you! I'm Jessica a.k.a North Shore Mama. This site was born out of my love for my daughters and the desire to share my motherhood journey with fellow moms. I believe we're all in this craziness called 'parenthood' together and North Shore Mama is my way of reaching out to anyone who needs a laugh, a cry or dinner inspiration. Thank you so much for reading!

  • angela

    June 11, 2016 #1 Author

    sending lots of love and light

    Reply

  • Taslim Jaffer

    June 11, 2016 #3 Author

    Lots of love to you ?

    Reply

  • susan washington

    June 11, 2016 #5 Author

    Thanks for being so truthful and real. Big love to all of you. I’ve been there if you ever need a friend or an ear. xo

    Reply

  • AngelaV

    June 11, 2016 #7 Author

    Love ya! Sending lots of love to you!!! xo

    Reply

  • Alisa Hutton

    June 11, 2016 #9 Author

    I have never actually read your blog before and today I am glad I did. This is post is brave and it is what we need more of in this world. Having been though a separation, it is hard and complex and evolves but you know being honest adults with what is/isn’t and making changes and choices is brave and healthy. I commend you both for your maturity and honesty and I think it teaches your girls great things. I wish you all a smooth transition, filled with a lot of love and support. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply

    • Jessica Blumel

      June 20, 2016 #10 Author

      Thank you Alisa! It’s nice to know we are not alone in this! <3

      Reply

  • Brandee

    June 11, 2016 #11 Author

    Oh Jessica, I’m sorry to hear this. Sending peace and hugs your way.

    Reply

  • Leeann

    June 11, 2016 #13 Author

    Thanks for being so brave and sharing this.

    Reply

  • Jehanne

    June 11, 2016 #15 Author

    Beautifully written Jessica xo

    Reply

  • Pamela

    June 11, 2016 #17 Author

    Lots of love and respect, to you both, for how you have dealt with the non-ideal, but needed closing of a life chapter. You are doing an amazingly tough job sorting out a new life reality with a lot of grace.
    Love you!
    xoxo

    Reply

  • Parrish Wilson

    June 12, 2016 #19 Author

    Oh Jessica, I’m sorry to hear this but as a child of divorce I think it is so important to separate when it really isn’t working. Your commitment to each other as co-parents is what’s most important now. Always keep that first in your heart and your girls will be ok. They need happy parents before anything else. ♡

    Reply

  • Linda Gelley

    June 12, 2016 #21 Author

    Sweetheart, my heart goes out to you. This was something you and Brian never wanted, expected or thought you’d go through. But know this, your love for each other has been real and most especially for the beautiful girls you have now. Whatever comes of this, please know that you and Brian have done something you needed to do and remaining friendly for the girls is one of the most important things to consider. Your needs are important too, as are Brian’s and the girls. So many things to consider and maybe time apart will change things for you both. It’s a tough time, no doubting that and support of friends and family critically important but mostly, breathe and take care of yourself. Girls will lean on you more than ever and mother guilt can be brutal so remember that …. You’re a beautiful, kind, smart, loving woman and that will hold fast throughout this new chapter – hopefully you and Brian can remember why you loved each other and use that to continue raising the girls together. Hugs my love, hugs. XOX

    Reply

    • Jessica Blumel

      June 20, 2016 #22 Author

      Thank you Linda! <3 We will make sure to show our girls how this change does not affect the love we have for them! I truly believe we are all in a better space :) xo

      Reply

  • Louise

    June 12, 2016 #23 Author

    I am so sad to hear this Jessica but so proud of the courage you have shown to do what you know is best, especially to your children. Am thinking of you. Big hug. xx

    Reply

  • Lori M

    June 13, 2016 #25 Author

    So sorry Jessica…stay strong!

    Reply

  • Becky

    June 20, 2016 #27 Author

    I broke down reading this because it’s my story too- together for 9, married for almost 7 and two young girls. We aren’t separated yet but we need to. As much as I’m scared I know it will be better. Have you heard from many others in the same position? Would you consider starting a group to meet up? I think that’s one of the things that scares me the most/ being alone and not having anyone I know that’s going through the same thing

    Reply

    • Jessica Blumel

      June 20, 2016 #28 Author

      Hi Becky! I am so sorry you also find yourself in this position! After posting this, I was so touched and surprised to see how many people that I KNOW personally and ‘virtually’ are going through similar times. It made me realise that I am not alone in this and neither are you! I’ve been leaning heavily on friends and family and have been soaking up all the moments with my kids to help get through this tough transition. Hopefully you can do the same. I found that what really helped me was when I finally started opening up about it. Sending you much love and strength! xoxo <3

      Reply

  • Cori

    June 27, 2016 #29 Author

    The lack of something is a much heavier load – I carried that for many many years and then separated about six months ago. It’s sad and heartbreaking and difficult with the kids and not an easy journey. Strength to you sister in getting through it with grace…seems you are already on that path.

    Reply

  • Mai Edwards

    December 19, 2016 #30 Author

    WOW sharing this must of been so scary. It’s so amazing that you’ve realized separating is better than staying together and making a great example.to your girls. Love how real you are.

    Reply

  • nicolthepickle

    December 20, 2016 #32 Author

    I’m so sorry for this. I can’t imagine how hard it would be.

    Reply

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